yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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