we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize