woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
