If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As shirtless as possible
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
