it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
