There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
