he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
