A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
