No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
