Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
