Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
