Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
