remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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