I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
