i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
