Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
