I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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