After last night, I could never be a politician.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
