i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
