I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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