and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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