Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
