i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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