imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
it's like heaven, but drunker
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
