Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
