dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
