made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Do vagina's smell?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
