I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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