I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
