you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
