Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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