im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
