Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Come see our sink grown plant.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
