On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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