Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
