i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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