I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
