No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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