She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
how drunk are you?
Several
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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