YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
