I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
