Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
