Sry I called you an 8
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
