I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
