I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
accomplished twins. life is a go
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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