I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
