I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
