your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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