I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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