who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
