the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
