We're facebook friends in real life
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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