Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
