I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
