you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
