dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
