So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
