you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
