Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
