look no pants
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
