well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
