Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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