It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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