hotel room ftw
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
