I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
