he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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