Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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