my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
