Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
