so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
