Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
