Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
