I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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