Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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