Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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