I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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